What an enigma mothers can be. One positive word of affirmation and you feel like you can conquer the world. One “no you can’t” and it feels like glass in your lungs. They have an innate power to make you go from zero to a hundred – real quick.
Growing up, I had a very strange relationship with my mother. I won’t bore you with any of the moot details, but it was a typical old-fashioned mother-unable-to-understand-her-wild-uncontrollable-millennial-daughter relationship. If she said left, I went right; the epitome of polar opposites. As you can imagine, it was a rollercoaster of a ride.
In all honesty, it angered me. I couldn’t understand why my mother wasn’t my best friend the way Lorelai Gilmore was with her daughter Rory Gilmore. Don’t even get me started on that show...
It wasn’t as bad as Leighton Meester suing her mum but we were no Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson either. I mean, look at how far Kris Jenner took the Kardashian-Jenner clan. That could have been me. And then one day, out of the blue, it hit me. My mother was an absolute child! How could I be so clueless? All this time I kept thinking that she was the adult, that it was her job to fix everything and be the bigger person. But it wasn’t her job because she was just as clueless as I was. She was a kid when she had her first kid (in case you missed it, that’s me).
Then and there, I decided my mother would be my best friend in this whole world. I didn’t care about how it would happen; I just knew it would. The first step was to stop comparing myself to everyone else. As shocking as this may sound, I was not Kate Hudson. All my mama every wanted was my attention and there is nothing some TLC couldn’t fix.
One of my favourite pastimes is watching Dr. Phil’s videos on YouTube. I have literally seen every single one. There is a video where he says something that blew my mind. He says: “The most powerful role model in a child’s life is the same gender parent”. He even tweeted it and if it’s on twitter, you KNOW it’s true.
I began to ask her about her day, listen to her, go shopping with her, take her to the movies and things just magically fell into place. I saw the child in her and I absolutely adored her. For whatever past trauma I may have been through, so has she and then some. I began to forgive her. Life suddenly felt so light and sweet. I was at peace. I was – no – I am grateful. I have the greatest friend in the world.
I understand this isn’t as easy and simple for everyone. I understand that some traumas surpass others. I know that as you’re reading this, the pain may seem unbearable. You’re praying for a way to be away from her or for it to all just go away. You may even be happy to be far away from her. But you’re looking at it too closely... Take a step back. Whatever you’re doing right now, if you’re lucky enough, pick up your phone and call your mother. Just call her to tell her you love her, that you want to hear her beatific voice and that everything will be okay. Trust me when I tell you, you are strong enough to make it through anything life throws your way; together.
To the mothers who have loved and supported their daughters through it all, we salute you. To the daughters who have loved and supported their mothers through it all, we salute you. To the daughters who have lost their mothers, we carry you in our hearts. To the mothers who have lost their daughters, we carry you in our hearts. Always.
To my mama, Amar, I love you. بحبك.
Happy Mother’s Day.