Have you ever felt like you *finally* have gotten over your guy, only to get a text from him the next day? Girl, we just can’t take it anymore. We’re sick of trying to read in-between the lines and guessing what his texts *actually* mean. The obvs next step is to contact everyone’s big sis, Shallon Lester, who’s a mix of Carrie Bradshaw and Dr. Phil. This truth teller knows what she’s talking about.
Shallon is an influencer, author, and dating coach with over 70 million views on her YouTube channel. She’s the queen of fusing pop culture news with no-nonsense love advice and girl power pep talks.
Shallon gave us the low-down on what your guy is doing on the down-low.
Here are your guy’s texts, decoded:
His text: “Hey, what’s up?” after you haven’t spoken to him in 6 months.
What he means: Hey, I haven’t gotten attention in a while, and you were always pretty obsessed with me so this seems like an easy conquest.
Either he’s in a love drought and thinks you’re an easy target, or you had a horrible breakup/ghosting situation and he wants to make sure you don’t hate him—likely both. No matter what his motivation, don’t respond. It’ll signal that you have no backbone and will jump at the chance to be with him again, no matter how disrespectfully it ended. And if you do reply, beware: he probably won’t respond. He just wants to know he still has his hooks in you, and any response, even a mean one, will let him know, “Yeah, she still cares.”
His text: Responds with a “hi” after you texted him 5 days ago.
What he means: I want attention with the least amount of effort so here are two letters and I know you’re going to respond.
It’s important to remember that no one is a “bad texter”—they’re just an uninterested one. I have a 24 hour rule: if he doesn’t reply in one day, I block him. No dramatic goodbye, no calling him out, just pure ruthlessness. When was the last time you didn’t look at your phone for 24 hours? Never. So if a guy sees your text and decides you’re not a priority, well buddy, let’s make that a two way street.
His text: “Good morning, princess” at 7am.
What he means: I want you to know you’re a priority.
Cute! It’s always nice to know you’re the first thing on someone’s mind when they wake up.
His text: “Good morning, princess” at 11am.
What he means: You’re still a priority—but so is work!
Also cute! Don’t put a timestamp on precisely when he should text you. Mornings can be busy and everyone’s day has a different rhythm.
His text: You told him you were going to a party at night. The next afternoon he says, “How was last night?”.
What he means: I respect your time with your friends and I’m not worried that you were doing anything shady without me.
You may have hoped he texted you during the party, but space is a good thing. A guy who blows up your phone when you’re out and about may seem cute at first, but that’s a very slippery slope to jealous and controlling behaviour.
His text: “Instead of going out today, do you want to come over tonight?” when you had plans to get lunch with him.
What he means: I’m cheap and lazy so this is my date suggestion.
Nope. This is an obvious pivot from an actual date to a Netflix ‘n’ chill scenario, which requires very little effort and even less respect. Even if you actually are down for some movie watchin’, it’s important to stick to plans to let him know 1) you can’t just freestyle your schedule like that, you’re very busy and important and 2) men need to honour commitments—even if it’s just lunch—in order to earn access into your life.
His text: When you ask him if he’s free next weekend and he responds with “Possibly”.
What he means: I have three other girls and five other friends I’d rather see first but in case they all cancel, sure, I’m down to hang out with you.
Never be someone’s option, and never tell yourself someone is too busy to give you a yes or no answer. They’re not. If a guy is into you, it doesn’t matter what activity you suggest, he’s into it. “Why yes I’d LOVE to visit the town dump with you!” If he’s not, you’re forever going to be on the backburner while he looks around for something else.
His text: “I’m too busy with (work, family, friends) to talk” followed by a kiss face emoji.
What he means: I’m not into you but don’t want to totally cut you off in case I feel bored and lonely later on.
He definitely is busy…just with a girl he likes more. No one is too busy for a person they value. Every guy has a job, family, and friends. And yet they manage to have girlfriends. Some even have wives! And kids! Some become president! If something is important they find a way, if it’s not they find an excuse.
His text: “So we gotta postpone, something just came up. You free tomorrow?” … one hour before your date.
What he means: Something really did come up but I want to make sure you know you’re a priority so let’s reschedule *OR* This girl I just matched with on Tinder looks like it’ll be easier to convince her to Netflix ‘n’ chill.
It’s tricky because things do come up, but it’s hard to know if the something is a work emergency or a chick at the bar who’s down to hang out at his place ASAP. So look at his larger behaviour. Is he chronically flaky and disrespectful? Does he work at Cinnabon, not SpaceX? If this is part of a pattern, no, you are not free tomorrow. And if he cancels without an immediate, specific plan to reschedule, you are not free ever.
His text: “How’s your day going?” at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon.
What he means: We’re both busy but you’re on my mind.
We’re boss babes with a million options, so a smart man knows that hey, if he’s out of sight, he’s out of mind, so he’ll check in. True, you don’t want a relationship based mostly in text, but it can keep the vibe going until you see each other again. When you reply though, remember to save the best stories for IRL, and there’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m swamped! I’m free for dinner tomorrow though ;)”.
His text: “Are you free on Friday for dinner?” on Monday morning.
What he means: If I don’t lock her down on date night, some other guy will because she is a catch.
We love a man with a plan! This shows he has respect for your time and acknowledges that you’re a hot commodity. Men are hardwired to hunt, and a good hunter knows that if he doesn’t go after what he wants, some other hunter will.
Bonus questions
If he never responds and we’ve been ghosted, should we buy a burner phone and text him from that just to make sure he got out message? Why does a guy ghost us in the first place?
Shallon Lester: Girl, he got your message. Even if he didn’t, if he was truly into you, he wouldn’t hesitate to double or even triple text. Remember: King Henry VIII split the church in two to get the woman he wanted—texting is literally the least he can do. And if he’s not, it’s because he just doesn’t care enough. If a guy wants you he will chew through a wall to make sure you know it.
We like to think a guy ghosts to go to, like, a monastery in Nepal or something. But usually, when they vanish from our lives, they’re appearing in someone else’s. He’s also a loser who either got to spend the time he wanted with you and he’s on to the next conquest, or realized he probably won’t get you to hang out and again, is on to the next.
Ghosters usually reappear but beware: no one ghosts just once; if they fundamentally think it’s ok to blank someone they have a rapport with, you can’t change that. They lack basic respect and communication skills and you are not a rehab for broken men.
