If there’s one thing you might know about me, it’s that wine is my ‘thing’. I am WSET level 3, I collect (hoard?) good vintages, and it’s also the Midwood family business that I may try my hand at one day. I’ve never dabbled in Dry January or Sober October, so when a month of no drinking was suggested to me, I thought, no way on God’s green earth can I do this. But if there are two things I’m motivated by, it’s irrefutable facts, and people around me not believing I can do something.
“While physical ailments and social isolation are obvious indicators of alcohol abuse, I also look for signs of emotional dependency or using it to avoid discomfort,” says Tara O’Donoghue, Senior Psychotherapist and Founder of Home Based Talking Therapy. “I encourage people to ask themselves whether they can socialise without alcohol, how they manage stress and anxiety, and where they learned to use alcohol to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Humans are notoriously avoidant of emotional pain (makes sense, but being in survival mode always seeking comfort does not help us grow), and therefore make a lot of excuses for alcohol.”
Welcome to Dry July, the month where we navigate social-anxiety-provoking events without a glass of liquid courage in hand, not habitually reaching for a glass of grape at an event, and attending after-work drinks without, well, drinks…
“It’s baffling how alcohol is one of the only things you can say you want a break from, and people can show disappointment,” Tara tells me. “I would recommend looking at your social diet: who are you choosing to spend your time with? Would you choose to hang round these people sober? If not, its worth asking yourself why you need to be drinking to be part of some people’s company. If they are not championing your best self should they be in your circle?”
Most trends turn over quickly, but drinking – from Bucks Fizz at brunch to post-office apéritifs – has always been portrayed as the ultimate way to have a good time. And the label we bestow onto people who aren’t drinking is that they “don’t know how to have fun”. Enter the “sober curious”: those who drink less, but are also not quite teetotallers. Drinking to excess has – at least in Western cultures – long been seen as a rite of passage into adulthood. But in this post-pandemic world, people are now more health conscious, and – myself included – continuously trying to find ways to lessen the sometimes overbearing feeling of anxiety.
Changing your alcohol intake can be an adjustment, so Tara recommends, “Practice dancing round your home, invite friends over and have a sober evening of music. If you go out, ask your friends to join you for the first dance. Seeking out psychological support can also help identify issues, overcome fears, and gain confidence to tackle social situations without relying on alcohol.”
Turns out, the insufferably sensible sober curious amongst us were onto something… One month alcohol-free and I had more energy than ever before (I made it to a 7am gym class six days in a row); people left, right, and centre were commenting on my “glowing” skin; I was feeling fit, and my head was clear. Gone were the mornings of waking up and trying to piece together your night out, ridden with hanxiety. The old idea that going dry is pretty dry is certainly changing. It’s now seen as something cool and healthy to try, like going vegan, or playing a game of padel. So why not give it a go? I doubt this is my permanent state but I can say that, for the moment, anyway, I do not need or want a drink, and I’ll cheers to that!
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