Often, masculinity is the word that arrives already loaded. It carries with it a long tail of association: dominance, ego, control, the kind of behaviour we have collectively learned to brace for. But Shahrez Hayder, entrepreneur, author and philosopher, is purposefully rewriting that script. He spent a significant amount of time in the Middle East, including Dubai, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia. That environment, combined with his Islamic upbringing rooted in his Pakistani heritage, and shaped by a period in his life where he lost everything and rebuilt from nothing, Shahrez has built a platform around what he calls grounded, faith-driven masculinity: a version of manhood defined not by performance or power, but by discipline, purpose and the ability to make the people around you feel safe. We sat down with him to debunk masculinity.
CosmoME: Tell us about your content creator journey and how you began spotlighting conversations on masculinity.
Shahrez: I didn’t get into this space because I wanted to make content. I got into it because I was frustrated. I was watching what people were calling masculinity, and most of it felt off. On one side, you had red pill content teaching men to chase ego, control, and women. On the other side, you had faith-based conversations that didn’t always translate into real life.
There was no balance. And people could feel that.
My understanding of masculinity didn’t come from theory. It came from experience. I went through a period in my life where I was homeless. And when you hit that point, everything gets stripped away. It’s just you and your reality.
And I didn’t break. I didn’t lose faith. I didn’t stop moving. Through discipline, faith, and taking action every single day, I didn’t just get out of that situation, I built from it. I went on to make millions in business, build companies, create jobs, and inject real value into the ecosystems I operate in.
And at the core of all of that was one thing. Becoming a man who can provide. Who can protect. Who people feel safe around.
That’s when it became clear to me. Masculinity isn’t something you perform when life is easy. It’s something you prove when life tries to shake you and fails.
For me, it’s simple. Be grounded. Be disciplined. Be in control of your desires. Lead your life instead of reacting to it. A man whose presence brings calm, not chaos.
And when you become that man, people feel it. Men want to rise into it. Women feel safe around it. That’s why I started speaking. Not to add noise, but to show what grounded, faith-driven masculinity actually looks like and to help other men build that within themselves.
CosmoME: Where do you think toxic masculinity stems from?
Shahrez: Toxic masculinity doesn’t come from men being too masculine. It comes from men being lost.
At the core, every man wants respect. He wants to feel seen, valued, and powerful in his life. But when he doesn’t understand himself, and no one teaches him what real masculinity looks like, he starts chasing it in the wrong places.
That’s where you get ego, control, lust, and the obsession with money, power, and women. Not because that’s what men truly want, but because they’ve been taught that’s where respect comes from. It’s a lack of education. Not school education. Self-education.
And that education starts with three things. Understanding yourself. Understanding women. And understanding purpose.
A man has to learn how to face his own wounds, his impulses, and his desires instead of being controlled by them. He has to understand that discipline and self-mastery come before anything else.
He also has to understand women properly. Not on a surface level, and not for manipulation, but to genuinely understand that men and women are different. And that difference isn’t a flaw, it’s design. When a man understands that, he stops treating women the way he treats other men. He leads differently. He communicates differently. He becomes more grounded, more intentional, and more responsible.
And finally, he needs purpose. Because without purpose, all that energy gets misdirected into ego, lust, and distraction.
A lot of men grow up with wounds. No father figure. No guidance. No real model of what it means to be a man. So they either become reactive, or they follow whatever loud voice they see online. And right now, a lot of that noise is pushing a version of masculinity that’s rooted in ego and short-term gratification.
But real masculinity is the opposite of that. It’s being grounded. It’s being disciplined. It’s being a man people feel safe around. A man whose word means something. A man who can lead, who can take responsibility, and who is in control of his desires, not controlled by them.
The truth is, most toxic behaviour is just a man trying to earn respect the only way he knows how. But real respect doesn’t come from domination. It comes from stability. From consistency. From being unshakeable.
And once a man understands that, everything changes. The way he moves, the way he treats women, the way he leads his life. That’s why this isn’t about labelling men. It’s about educating them. Because when a man learns what he’s actually capable of, he doesn’t need to perform masculinity any more. He becomes it.
CosmoME: How would you characterise healthy masculinity? Why is it important in society today?
Shahrez: Healthy masculinity is grounded in faith, purpose, and responsibility. It is a man knowing who he is, knowing what God placed him here to do, and doing that role with discipline and conviction.
It also means understanding that purpose is not limited to one path. A man can be a businessman, a teacher, a labourer, an investor, or a leader in any field. It does not matter what role he occupies in society. What matters is that he is aligned with it. He is not operating from force, pressure, or imitation, but from a place of clarity, where his actions are in alignment with what he has been called to do. He moves with intention, knowing that what is written for him is already written, and his role is to rise into it and execute.
At the individual level, healthy masculinity makes a man steady. He becomes grounded. He becomes reliable. He becomes the kind of person people feel safe around because he is not easily shaken by pressure, temptation, fear, or chaos. His word has weight. His presence brings order. He does not just talk about responsibility. He carries it.
He becomes a provider, not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. A protector not just in moments of danger, but in the way he carries himself, the way he leads, and the way he creates stability for the people around him.
But healthy masculinity does not stop at the individual. That is where most people think too small. When a man knows his role and fulfils it properly, he strengthens everything around him. He strengthens his marriage. He strengthens his children. He strengthens the people who depend on him. And when enough men do that, you do not just get better individuals. You get stronger families. Stronger families create stronger communities. Stronger communities create stronger societies.
When a man is truly grounded, women feel it. They feel safe around him. They feel like they can trust his leadership, build a life with him, and follow his direction without fear. Not because he forces it, but because his presence creates stability.
A healthy masculine man does not suppress a woman. He creates an environment where she can thrive; where she does not have to operate from survival, but from purpose; where she can step into her own calling, knowing she is supported, protected, and led with intention.
That is how real partnerships are built. That is how strong families are formed. That is how teams win championships. That is how armies win wars. Every person knows their role, trusts the mission, and executes with discipline. There is alignment. There is order. There is collective strength.
When men are disconnected from faith, disconnected from purpose, and disconnected from responsibility, the whole structure starts to weaken. Families become unstable. Leadership becomes weak. Trust erodes. People become easier to manipulate, easier to divide, and easier to control.
But when men are healthy, grounded, and purposeful, they become anchors. They lead by example. They build strong households. They raise strong children. They pass down strength instead of confusion. They do not move blindly. They move with a sense of alignment, understanding that their effort is part of something already written, but still fully earned through discipline and action.
They become men who cannot be easily influenced, cannot be easily shaken, and cannot be easily broken. And that is how you create lineages, not just moments. That is how you build a people that cannot be easily broken. That is why healthy masculinity matters today.
CosmoME: Any advice to young people coming to terms with their masculinity? How can people tap into their masculinity in a healthy way?
Shahrez: My advice is simple. Remember what you actually want.
As a man, you want respect. You want purpose. You want to build something meaningful. You want to leave a legacy and create a life that matters.
And I’m telling you right now, hedonism is not the path to that. You don’t need to chase validation. You don’t need to prove yourself through women, status, or short-term pleasure. That will only pull you further away from who you’re meant to become.
If you feel lost, it’s because you’re trying to find answers in the wrong places.
The real work starts with education. Not school education. Self-education. Learn about yourself. Your habits, your impulses, your weaknesses. Learn how to control them instead of being controlled by them.
Learn about your faith. Because once you understand your relationship with God, everything else starts to make sense. You stop moving blindly. You start moving with direction.
Learn about women properly. Not through experimentation or ego, but through understanding. Men and women are different, and when you understand that, you stop creating chaos in your own life.
And most importantly, never stop learning. Because the moment you commit to growth, to discipline, and to aligning yourself with your purpose, everything begins to shift. The confusion fades. The noise becomes irrelevant. You start becoming the man you were meant to be. And once that happens, you don’t need to chase respect any more. It comes naturally.
CosmoME: Any advice to young people navigating toxic masculinity around them?
Shahrez: My advice is simple. Don’t fight toxic masculinity head-on.
You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself.
A lot of young men make the mistake of trying to argue, debate, or fix what they see around them. But that’s not how change actually happens. You don’t defeat toxic masculinity by attacking it. You defeat it by outgrowing it. By embodying something better.
When you tap into healthy masculinity, when you become disciplined, grounded, purpose-driven, and aligned with your faith, people notice. Other men notice. They start looking at your life. They look at your relationships. They look at your business, your habits, the way you move, the way you carry yourself. And they start asking questions. Not because you told them to change, but because they can see that you’re doing something right.
That’s how influence actually works. You don’t lead by arguing. You lead by example.
And over time, that creates a ripple effect. You start attracting like-minded people. You build your own circle. Your own standard. Your own environment. And that becomes your tribe. And that tribe moves differently.
So instead of getting caught up in what’s wrong with other men, focus on becoming the man who sets the standard. Because when you become that man, you don’t just remove yourself from toxic masculinity. You become the reason other men start to question it too.
Next, read about how Middle Eastern women are reclaiming princess treatment.