Ahmed couldn’t sleep. His wife lay beside him, noise-cancelling headphones on, listening to podcasts as she drifted off. Night after night, he watched her tune out the world, including him. “She doesn’t even want to hear me breathe,” he told his therapist, Clinical Psychologist Manuela Paone at Dubai’s Thrive Wellbeing Centre. He felt useless, dismissed, like he was too much for her to handle even in silence.
But Ahmed’s pain wasn’t really about the headphones. It was about rejection sensitivity dysphoria, a heightened emotional response common in ADHD that can turn minor moments into major wounds. His wife wasn’t rejecting him; she was calming her overstimulated mind. Once Ahmed understood this distinction, everything shifted. The headphones stopped triggering his insecurities.
Meanwhile in London, French-Tunisian artist Lillie Aissa-Jeanrenaud knows this emotional intensity from a different angle. “I can be very hot and cold,” she admits. “I definitely can seem like a bit of a love bomber and then get distracted and need to lock in to sort my life out.” She falls hard, loves intensely, and when rejection hits – real or perceived – it can feel devastating. “It makes me feel like no one can match my freak, because I love hard and this person and our love colours my worldview.”
These aren’t isolated experiences. Globally, 366 million adults report ADHD symptoms and in the UAE specifically, between 13.6% and 34% of university students report symptoms, according to data from Thrive Wellbeing Centre. Perhaps most sobering is relationships where one partner has ADHD are nearly twice as likely to end in divorce.
The dopamine rush
The early stages of romance flood the brain with dopamine. For people with ADHD, whose brains already struggle with dopaminergic dysregulation, it can feel like mainlining pure euphoria. Limerance, that obsessive and all-consuming infatuation that goes beyond attraction, takes over.
“ADHD involves dopaminergic dysregulation, so the early stages of romance—when dopamine surges—can feel like intense connection, leading to limerence,” explains Dr Manuela. When paired with rejection sensitivity dysphoria, minor signs of disinterest trigger deep distress, creating unstable emotional cycles.
For Lillie, this manifests clearly. “I can get so easily attached, especially when my cup isn’t full. That’s why I must have fun otherwise I will fall in love with ANYONE for the plot.” She’s also a self-described daydreamer, “often idealising love and putting people on pedestals. I think it’s due to a deep-rooted belief that love is over there, not within me and all around me. I see love stories from Western and North African culture. What will my love story look like as French-Tunisian girl from the UK? I think I’m scared I won’t find fulfilling love that suits me, my halal-haram ratio and my interests.”
The reframe
“This intensity can bring challenges, but also amplifies positive emotions, making relationships feel more passionate and deeply connected,” says Dr Manuela. “Emotional intensity in ADHD isn’t just a challenge; it can be a strength!”
Whether you’re the one with ADHD or the partner trying to understand, the key lies in recognising that racing thoughts, emotional hurricanes, and dopamine-fueled obsessions aren’t character flaws. They’re neurological patterns that, when understood, can actually deepen connection when communication and a willingness to work with neurodivergency is at the forefront.
Lillie embodies this by practicing patience and leaning into her community. “Taking time also means talking things out with trusted loved ones who know me well [like] my council of divas.”
While taking things slowly, she sets boundaries and pays attention to a potential partner’s actions. “I used to overshare way too much and attracted people who fed off my vulnerability,” she says. “Now I talk a lot, but with boundaries and suitors who have shown they’re worthy of knowing me on a deeper level. I don’t have a partner currently but I wish my future partner would understand that a neurodiverse baddie needs a safe place. In a world not built for us, relationships shouldn’t be another battle.”
After years of struggling with ADHD, Lillie has found her footing by embracing what makes her unique. “You have the freedom to create your own blueprint and build relationships and a life that you love,” she advises others with ADHD. “You are uniquely gifted and the right ones will see you and love you deeply!”
For all the neurodivergent readers, check out how to biohack your ADHD.