If there’s one thing Tolú likes to say, it’s ”I don’t need a man.” Can we raise a glass to that, independent girlies? While surely you’ve come across her eccentric, but super lovable personality in the Perfect Match season two or her logistical prowess in The Trust, there is a flair that many (ahem, men, shoo) don’t get to see often. Packing 2024 with two major Netflix shows and maybe more to come, the one and only, Tolú Ekundare, has proven that in this lifetime, you can always achieve your dreams without a man. Point blank, period.
With her new energy and unapologetic girl-bossing, Tolú has solidified herself as a force to be reckoned with. As a breadwinner, a loyal daughter, and a devoted bestie, she juggles many hats all the while aboard the journey of finding herself after the Perfect Match. And after a rough post-show relationship with he-who-shan’t-be-named, Tolú made the ultimate big-girl move. No, it’s not deleting Instagram. It’s called ~not giving a cent of care and just focusing on thyself~.
To answer your question, “Well, did she succeed in finding herself?” There’s only one right answer to that. A big, massive, yes. After countless realisations and dodging red flags (she slayed that), Tolú gave herself a much-needed break from the exhausting search for a man. Instead, she channelled her energy more into self-growth. And fans, including us, can’t help but notice her glow as she steps into her new life as a celebrity, influencer, and now the ultimate It-girl. From moving out of her hometown in Houston to settling into a dreamy Los Angeles pad, Tolú has fully embraced her newfound joy and independence.
So, if you want to know how Tolú is now, Cosmo ME got to sit down and talk more about her life after the Perfect Match.
Cosmo ME: What attracted you to join the world of reality TV?
Tolú Ekundare: You wanna know what’s funny? I’ve only been in the reality TV space for a year. The Trust came out in January, and then Perfect Match came in June. But here’s the jig, I never really saw myself on TV, like at all. What really attracted me? Well, you know how you have certain dreams that you feel are too big and you don’t want to set yourself up in disappointment? That was me. I wanted to be practical, and pragmatic even, which I learned… is absolute trash! You need to dream as big as you possibly can. Now, I like to go by, “Aim for the stars, worst case scenario, you fall a little short and you land in a cloud.”
When I applied for The Trust it was an ad! It said, “Hey, a new reality TV show on a major streaming platform, an opportunity to win a life-changing amount of money.” That was the call to action I saw, and I was like, “Hmm, hey I like money!” I applied just to see what happens *chuckles* and I got in! But I didn’t even know it was Netflix. Fast forward, I did The Trust and ATE that down and earned the second largest amount of money. Then I went back to everyday life.
Cosmo ME: How was it like with The Perfect Match?
Tolú Ekundare: So, Netflix reached out to me for a chat and I was so down. The question they asked was, “How’s your relationship status?” And my eyes said, “Well, do you have a husband for me? Like, why are you asking me about relationships.” Then, of course, I was single and they mentioned they were doing a casting pool for the second season of The Perfect Match. I was so excited! Because who knows? Maybe I could find my boo-thang and maybe become the next Netflix Power Couple! But, like you’ve seen, the men just weren’t it. But, at least with the Perfect Match, even if I didn’t get to find my man, I gained such a beautiful fanbase and supporters. They have literally poured so much life into me.
As for the show, it really took a hit on me. Especially my ego. It hurt knowing I wasn’t even an option. It went like, “Okay, I guess no other girl wants me, so I’ll settle for Tolú.” It was terrible, no woman wants to feel like that. It went to a point where I wanted to leave, I didn’t want to be part of the show anymore, especially when I was told that my match said some things. It was obvious I wasn’t being valued and I wanted to leave. But I had to finish this. Like, I obviously wouldn’t find my man here, but I should do the bare minimum, and leave with a prize. Obviously, I didn’t win *laughs*.
Cosmo ME: And how was your relationship with the Match?
Tolú Ekundare: After the show wrapped, my match continued trying to communicate with me outside the house but by that point, I was so over and done. He said he was sorry and wanted to make “this” work. I just went back to Texas, and he went back to LA. And there was even a time when I texted, but he took three days to respond. That, right there, was the final straw. Like, girl? Really? No. I was done. I cut him off. Now, post-show, I’m glowing up! I’m great and I’m living my best life!
Cosmo ME: I guess, post-show, it really gave you a clear depiction of what you need in life. So, what changes in mindset have you gone through?
Life, after the show, really put things into perspective. One is who I am. Not a lot of people have the opportunity to see themselves on the screen, it’s like an out-of-body experience. You get to see and observe minute details that you may have missed. Like, I realised I’m actually so funny and that I’m also emotionally intelligent. The love between the girls and I was so real. Watching it playback, I was like “Wow, you’re so personable, and relatable and you’re constantly trying to lift people up.” Throughout the show, I was in the lowest positions and I kept getting rejected, but even If I felt so low, I still did my best to pour on to others. I didn’t want the girls to feel any less. And watching that, I was so proud of myself, I represented myself so well. Now, I walk through life with the knowledge that I am +10. I’m not like the “I’m better than you,” type of birches, I walk life now knowing I deserve to uplift myself. Because I am that b*tch. And I’m going to operate like that.
Secondly, like how I mentioned, I didn’t want to dream too big because I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment or failure. Now I’m like, scratch that. You need to dream as big as you dare, in fact, dream even bigger than that. It’s what makes life more worth living. So what if you fall a little bit short? I promise you, even if that happens, you will be 10 times the person you were last week, last month, even last year. I have given myself the freedom to be bold and audacious. And now I no longer let the fear of failure hinder me or hold me back.
Cosmo ME: Who’s your Perfect Match, but as a bestie?
Tolú Ekundare: I would say… Alara! Her energy just mirrors mine so well. She’s also a genuinely kind soul and kind spirit. We’re constantly thinking like, “What can I do to help you? To make you feel better, to adjust your crown?” I love being around those people like that. When you have somebody that also pours into you as well, that’s really beautiful. It’s a rare friendship. So, yeah! Alara is the bestie right now.
Cosmo ME: Do you have any plans to visit Dubai?
Tolú Ekundare: Oh my God, I can make plans. I freaking love Dubai! I visited Dubai twice with my mom. I think two years ago around Christmas time, everything was just so beautiful. We went to the Dubai Mall as well as the Burj Khalifa and did a lot of shopping at the Gold Souq. I’m dying to go back.
Cosmo ME: Aside from Alara, were there any other unexpected friendships you made or… enemies?
Tolú Ekundare: Enemies, no. I feel like you’d have to care about someone to a certain extent to consider them your enemy. For people I don’t like… I will not give them that energy. But were there individuals who I thought had characteristics and behaviours that were less than savoury in the show? Yes. But I just chose not to associate myself with them. As for friendships, I would say most of all the girls.
Cosmo ME: The support you get from your fans has been so phenomenal and simply amazing. How do you feel about that?
Tolú Ekundare: I feel amazing. It’s a complete 180 from my experience at The Trust because I was considered a villain in that show. I think 90 per cent of people who watched The Trust, hated my guts. Which I’m so shocked about because I don’t think I did anything worthy of hate. So when it came out, I got a lot of negative comments, emails, and DM‘s. I also did have a little bit of anxiety when The Perfect Match was going to come out. I was on the infamous side of fame. I was so scared. But when it came out everyone was so kind and people were like, “Tolú, I love you”. I literally cried. I was so used to people telling the worst things about me. When the show came out I would get DM’s from little girls telling me that I made them feel so much more confident, that I made them feel so beautiful. I remembered myself back in high school, and I would think of the people I would look up to. And now for it to be such a full circle moment with young girls who want to emulate me?
I remember saying that I didn’t give myself enough credit. But the show really helped me realise so many more things. So when I tell you the most amazing thing that came out of the show was not the men, but it was the fans and followers. You all don’t understand how much you’ve changed my life. I’m a fan of you. You made me change the way I think about myself. I want to cry right now just thinking about it. I want to continue being the best representation because I know people are looking up to me.
Even when more of the non-supporters were judging me because I went to the show with a baldhead, like, “Oh, how can a man expect to like her if she is bald? How will she find a man who will find her attractive?” First off, the value of the woman that I am, it surpasses everything that they think of. So, if a man wants the privilege of having me in their life, he should be able to see who I am regardless if I have hair on my head or bundles or a wig. I am still Tolú. And now I got all the girls backing me up and supporting me.
Cosmo ME: You’re now in your independent era, how’s that going for you?
Tolú Ekundare: Oh, I’m going great. I’ve grown so much this year. I feel like I’ve grown so much more this year compared to the last three. This has been the most independent I have felt. Back when I lived in Houston with my parents, we lived in a big house. My cycle would be to stay at home and work on my laptop, and then close my laptop, and maybe watch TV. Then I’d go to sleep, wake up and go back to work. But now I moved out and I’m away from my parents. I have never lived by myself and I’m literally in LA alone. I have never felt both being lonesome, but also the most growth at the same time in this period. In this part of life, I have learned so much more about myself. I’m not tethered to anything now I get to traverse the world being myself and I really do love this era that I’m in.
Cosmo ME: So, have you turned off the search for a man?
Tolú Ekundare: Yeah, I have. This is how I operate now. I need to focus on me. Like I said, I’ve always been a pourer so I never really got to focus on myself and pour into myself. This is the first time ever that I’ve been able to put all my attention and energy towards me I want to continue with that. So yes, I’m not searching for a man. I don’t feel like I need a man to complete me. I want to be a complete version of myself before entering those spaces where I’m destined to be. so searching that’s done. I don’t chase I attract.
Cosmo ME: You’re very culturally inclined, how are you getting in touch with your roots?
Tolú Ekundare: I was actually born in Nigeria, and then I was raised in America when I was two. So I have both sides of that culture. At home, we have to speak our language. And that’s one thing I really love about my family we are rooted in our culture. So even if I was born in America, I never really felt far from Nigerian culture. Actually, I would go to school wearing African textiles! I’m proud. It’s a huge part of me.
Even when it went on The Trust, the first scene, they actually told us to wear our best clothes. They told us to pick an outfit that best represents us. I told myself I was going there with a custom Nigerian dress because that’s what best represents me. The same thing for the perfect match the very last scene, they said that what best represents you, I showed up in cultural attire with the headdress. I told myself I would always pay homage to my culture.
You know it’s even better, the dress that I wore on The Trust, I designed it myself! It was actually for my college graduation.
Cosmo ME: Tell us the craziest DM or comment that you got 👀
Tolú Ekundare: I get a lot of crazy and wild ones. It’s all sorts of things like marriage proposals, and even more wilder ones which we’ll leave it at that.
Cosmo ME: What are five major red flags you steer clear of?
Tolú Ekundare: The first, would definitely be if he follows tons of IG models. That’s a big neon red flag right there. Two, he’s afraid to give you his phone password. Like, why are you so scared? Three, If all your friends are playboys *eye-rolls* Birds of a feather, they squawk together. Fourth, all your close friends are women. I’m sorry, but for me, personally, I’m not with the “that’s my best friend” type of thing. Immediately no. And then, lastly, if I express myself, but you take that as an attack on yourself? It’s giving a lack of emotional maturity, it’s giving unable to communicate and that’s a red flag.
Cosmo ME: How about your top five green flags?
Tolú Ekundare: Well, the first, children love you. I feel like a man who is adored by small kids and pets is a green flag because they see things that we can’t see. Second, I don’t mind a mama’s boy because he understands how to treat the women in his life like the queens that they are. You know he’s going treat you really good. Third, a great communicator. When you can effectively communicate your feelings, especially if you get to talk without having a screaming match, that’s a green flag! Fourth, You’re not really on social media. If you have 50 followers and it’s your mom, your nieces and your nephews that’s a green flag to me. Last but not least, if I’m telling my issues, instead of giving reactions like, ‘Oh I’m so sorry‘, he should rather give solutions.
Cosmo ME: Now, what are your green flags?
Tolú Ekundare: Well, for one I’m funny. I feel like a woman you can have fun with and have a laugh is so important. You’d want your beau to also be your best friend. I feel like that’s how truly the best relationships last. Second, I am very empathetic. You tell me what you’re feeling, I won’t just listen to you. I will feel it with you, and that allows me to connect with people to a deeper level which also helps me with my emotional intelligence. Third, my face has subtitles. If you ever look at my face, you’re going to immediately know what I feel. Fourth, I’m a communicator! I will tell you how I feel. I want a space where there’s a very open level of communication. I know how to put myself in other people’s shoes and see where they’re coming from. Last, children and animals love me. that means I have good energy and good vibes.
Cosmo ME: Random question time! What’s your favourite animal by the way?
Tolú Ekundare: Oh my god, I love elephants. I went to Thailand last year, and we went to an elephant sanctuary! We got to feed the elephants and even wash with them 🥹 They’re so cute and intelligent. And they’re so emotionally intelligent as well apparently. Oh, and dogs!
Cosmo ME: What advice would you give to everyone out there, trying to find a perfect match?
Tolú Ekundare: I would say, first and foremost, before you find your perfect match, find yourself. Find who you are, find what you love about yourself. Try to figure out your nonnegotiables, the things that you will never settle for less. So, once you’ve found yourself, and answered the questions, then it becomes easy to wave through and find your perfect match. It’s about finding, “the not.” Once you’ve pushed aside all those frogs, then deep inside the pile, you will finally find your prince. But before finding your perfect match, search for yourself first. Figure out the woman that you are or the man that you are. Like, figure out what is your competitive edge. Then nourish and nurture that! The dude or the woman that compliments you perfectly will be so easy to find them because you know who you are. And I, right now, am in the process of finding myself and learning about myself. Even if I haven’t found my perfect match yet, best believe, once you see me with my perfect match, trust me and know it’s because I figured out who I am first.