When Fergie released Big Girls Don’t Cry, I was twelve years old, and it took over my school bus where a bunch of us girls would belt it out in mismatched vocal ranges. It was a message we took seriously. Big girls do not cry. 

Sad girls have existed in literature for hundreds of years like my girl Jane Eyre. Sylvia Plath’s assortment of poems came from a pained part of her soul. Sad girls come in different fonts, but they all have something for someone out there.

I grew up with books that very much had big girls crying. While I was never chosen for The Hunger Games like Katniss, I understood her pain and her sadness for the lives of her family and loved ones. Sabaa Tahir illustrates a sad girl who clutches on to strength like it’s a raft floating in a stormy ocean in All My Rage. Emily Henry’s sad girl in Beach Read has turbulent sadness in her chest at familial betrayal while navigating a new now. 

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Being a sad girl isn’t an aesthetic of runny noses and clutching a pillow while crying. It’s not even a lifestyle. A sad girl could be you and me going on with our lives while carrying a certain heaviness in our hearts. A sad girl laughs and jokes but feels so alone, it’s like her heart is bleeding out. A sad girl is a strong woman. 

Sad girls in books and music have given girls a voice, and a string of courage to speak up about their mental health. Saying you’re in therapy now means you’re bettering yourself; you’re putting yourself first. It’s to be admired when twenty years ago, it was something to hide.

Mental health still has a long way to go but I feel we’re on the right track with the young voices of today speaking so openly about it. We understand that being strong doesn’t mean we can’t be sad. We give space for others to speak up. It’s not a strength to ignore your emotions. Knowing how to deal with the sadness before it denotates inside you is crucial because you only have one life.

So, Fergie, I love the song, but I do have to tell you, big girls do cry. They cry large, messy, cathartic tears that wash away all that pain. 

Join Zoulfa in conversation at Emirates LitFest on February 1st from 2pm – 3pm where she’ll be speaking about her coming-of-age novel about resilience, faith, and the risks we must sometimes take in pursuit of hope – As Long as the Lemon Tree Grows.

Click here for Emirates Lit Fest 2025 books to add to your shelf ASAP.