The other day, I discovered that you can check on your iPhone how many WhatsApp notifications you get in a day/week. Mine? I wasn’t surprised at having hundreds every day (a by-product of working in media), but it left me wondering: why do I feel so disconnected when I’m getting so many messages? It’s low-key like being in a room full of people calling your name, and feeling numb to it all.
I’m in several active group chats, but when it comes to being checked in on during a hard week or tricky time, I can’t say I’m feeling the love. In a time when we are constantly DMing across WhatsApp and IG, we have plenty of instant connection, but it all feels so…surface level. There is a pressure to “keep up” with the GC’s energy even when you’re mentally drained. The kicker? Publicly having to justify yourself to the whole tribe when saying “no” to plans.
It started with MSN Messenger in the ‘90s, then came BBM, and back then it felt special to stay in touch after school without your parents listening in on the landline. The secret sauce? Not just anyone can message you; you had to accept them first (take note, WhatsApp). Then instant messaging apps took over and yep, they totally killed telephone calls and intimacy that came with them.
Don’t just take my word for it, a 2024 survey by Uswitch found a quarter of people aged 18 to 34 never answer the phone, and 70% of Millennials and Gen Zs prefer a texting over calling.
Yes, group chat culture gives us a sense of community, but constant communication is tiring. You can see it in our gen’s ‘bad’ digital habits: leaving people on read, ghosting and breadcrumbing. But can we be blamed? When you’re bombarded with strings of messages and expected to reply instantly, ignoring feels like self-protection. I’m guilty of muting and archiving GC’s when it all becomes too much. Some call it avoidance, for me its survival.
I admit, it’s impossible to keep up with group chats. Being “always on” and constantly available (even when I don’t want to be) is emotionally draining. And don’t even get me started on voice notes, personal podcasts are not on my subscribe list (not even 2X speed can save us from unnecessary waffle).
If we are all seeking real, deeper connections, why are we still starting group chats for every brunch or birthday plan? How about talking to people one-on-one, catching up properly, the old-fashioned way?
We live in the most connected time in history, but do we actually know how our friends are doing? Maybe it’s time to mute the noise and start asking. One real convo at a time.