Let me play this scene for you. You’re at a family gathering, out with friends for dinner or maybe at a celebratory function at work. You spent time getting ready. Maybe you were even excited to be here! You’re surrounded by people you know. And foods you like are perfectly laid out… Yet all that’s going through your mind is: I’ve never felt lonelier in my life.
Can you relate to this? Actually, I know you can. So did I – for a long time. It’s one of the loneliest states to be in. And it’s confusing.
It’s confusing because what you think is a solution to loneliness makes you feel even lonelier. When you don’t want to be alone, you tell yourself that being surrounded by people will make it better, that it will take the loneliness away. So you surround yourself by others and instead of feeling less lonely, you feel an urge to run away. What’s wrong with me?! you might think to yourself.
Something is wrong. But it’s not with you. What you’re looking for is connection. You’re looking to be seen for who you are, and heard without judgment or shame. And that’s what every human wants. So what’s wrong? You’re looking in the wrong place. You’re looking for these feelings in places that you never got them before or where you once got them temporarily. Perhaps you’re looking for them in a romantic interest or someone you haven’t met yet. You’ve placed all your hopes on feeling like you’re welcome, loved, seen and heard outside of you.
If this hits home for you, know that you’re not alone in experiencing this. While those around you seem to have it all, many are feeling the same aching loneliness that you’re feeling. They might have a romantic partner, a loving family, or a great job with financial security and still feel lonely. Because loneliness is not about what’s around us. It’s about what’s within us.
Read that again.
If you can’t spend time alone because you feel lonely, empty or incomplete, no person could ever fill that void for you. Frankly, it’s no one’s responsibility to do that for you either. Nothing outside of you can change the way you feel about yourself. So if you’re waiting for something or someone, stop now.
I promise you that your fear of being alone will go away once you start practicing it.
Here are three benefits of spending time alone:
1. You’ll discover who you really are and what you want in life and in a partner.
2. You’ll prove to yourself that you don’t need anyone to complete your life.
3. You’ll stop wasting your time with the wrong people.
Start spending one hour a day alone. Consider it a date with yourself. Ask yourself all the questions that you’d ask someone you’re getting to know. Answer those questions. This will open you up to yourself in a way you never imagined.
Start now.
Until next time,
Najwa.