Hello, it’s me, the one human who forgot to purchase baking supplies while stockpiling Trader Joe’s pasta.
There’s only one thing making me tweak out more than the COVID-19 pandemic, and it’s every influencer, sorority friend, and coworker who’s *optimizing* their WFH quarantine time to do productive things.
Yo, Insta fam, I’m really happy for you. Imma let you finish your self-care bread making, closet organising, and living room yoga, but Cheetos and sleeping 12 hours a day are totally acceptable ways to quarantine too! Right? No? When did everyone get themselves together post-apocalypse without me?
Honestly, this isn’t a new feeling, but normally it hits on Thanksgiving or Christmas. You probs know the one: Everyone’s tagging their mom and dog in the matching-pajama, under-the-tree ’gram while you’re (or at least I’m) wearing a smelly softball tee fresh from your childhood closet and fighting with your dad (again) about leaving the family phone plan.
But because this whole thing could last weeks or months, it’s so much worse. I can’t just ignore the socials for another 24 hours and feel like an adequate adult by January 2. The internet is all we have right now!!! But that leaves me feeling some type of way (in a bad way) about my failure to maximise my at-home time.
Among my list of pre-quarantine regrets: not purchasing at least five sweat sets, a pair of cute Henley long johns, press-on nails, sheet masks, a dog, the entire Container Store, an apartment with more than one room, matcha latte supplies, all 83 books from Oprah’s Book Club, floofy slippers, and a sexy WFH desk.
Even if I had all these things, though, Insta-ing to keep up is too much. Let’s just admit that we’re happiest working on our night cheese in a Snuggie watching Real Housewives. More of that content, please.
To my friends who put on makeup to work from home or chef up a healthy breakfast to feel less crazed, I love you! Do your thing! But don’t be mad if I mute you for the next month or two. In the meantime, I’ll be working from my fort rationing my Cheez-Its.