When a guy asks me out on a coffee date, I get an immediate ick. Coffee dates are low effort and lacklustre. I’m not alone in this ick. Dozens of women online refuse to put so much energy into their appearance inside and out for something so minimal. In one viral video, divorce lawyer Lena’s hot take went off: a man who is serious does not start with the bare minimum, and a first date is a way to set a standard. More women should not accept coffee dates.
It’s no secret that dating has become synonymous with “wyd?” texts and algorithmic swipe fatigue. We’ve learnt to ghost, breadcrumb, and situationship. In the process, we’ve lost the art of courting.
“I’m very independent, but I respect a man who wants to pursue me because it signals he’s willing to invest his time in me, and that my time isn’t being wasted either,” shares Olga Safari, a content creator who openly speaks about dating culture.
What even is courting?
Courting today looks like follow-through, consistent communication, clear intention, and executed plans, according to Olga. The spirit of courting is slow and intentional, but today’s dating scene is filled with apps and texting that make everything “thank u, next.” “Dating became casual by default,” Olga explains. “Not because people wanted less, but because it became easier to avoid depth and deep connection. All these dating apps have normalised constant access to anyone, anywhere, but without any responsibility. Over time, effort and courting started to become more and more rare.”
Courting is a way to build intention into a long-term relationship. For someone who’s not aligned with this dating goal, courting doesn’t make sense (and that’s fine). If someone isn’t down to court, it becomes a filtering method to stay away from people who aren’t aligned with what you want.
Why courting matters
EvaJoyce Njoki, a Kenyan real estate agent in Dubai, was once courted by a partner who made thoughtful plans and remembered the little details. Rachel Camaclang, a Filipino creative also based in the UAE, was first friends with her current boyfriend before he courted her. Now, she understands courting as a way to value a relationship. Being courted helped her realise that wanting depth and commitment was something to be proud of.
Courting is especially important for Rachel and Eva because it’s deeply rooted in their cultural traditions. Eva grew up seeing Kenyan men express love by providing stability, showing respect, and being present. Rachel’s upbringing in the Philippines shaped her views similarly: “It’s called ligaw, and there’s even harana—where men serenade the woman they’re pursuing. Those gestures emphasise respect, patience, and sincerity, which is why courting creates emotional safety and clarity for me. I don’t believe it’s outdated; it simply requires a level of intention that not everyone is willing to offer today.”
@just.and.han This is it. #courting #Traditional #suitor #JustHanny #fyp #trending ♬ The Winner Is… Version – DeVotchKa
Calling all lover girls & lover boys
Yet suddenly, more people are open to this level of intentionality. RAYE’s anthem “WHERE IS MY HUSBAND!” and hashtags like #MayThisLoveFindMe are flooding timelines with unfiltered longing for real love.
Celebrity relationships are often blueprints for the love we aspire toward. When Dua Lipa and Callum Turner announced their engagement, the internet collectively swooned. His unapologetic golden retriever boyfriend energy and him consulting Dua’s sister, Rina Lipa, before designing a custom engagement ring were rom-com levels of courting we’re all vicariously living through. Megastar Zendaya can afford furniture, but her fiancé Tom Holland still built her a shelf. The New York mayor and his partner, Zohran Mamdani and Rama Duwaji’s, relationship has become a masterclass in showing up for each other publicly and privately. These couples are proof that intentional love still exists, giving us hope.
@amoonofsecrets naseeb wya 💔 #fypシ゚ #muslim #muslimcouple #couplegoals #halal #hijabi #halallove #fypシ゚viral🖤 #islamic ♬ original sound – 💿,
Does our collective fascination with their love lives reveal something deeper? Are we rooting for romantic courting to make a comeback in 2026?
No more coffee first dates?
We’ve spent the year watching empowered women, from sultry and free Tyla to candid and vulnerable Doechii. 2025 declared boyfriends embarrassing, made decentring men a thing, and embraced platonic intimacy like never before with viral threads about how female friendships offer more emotional intimacy than some romantic relationships. Yet women also chose themselves by getting married, from Alana Hadid to Charli XCX.
Women are yearning, while also rejecting anything less than true love. A shift is happening. The question isn’t whether courting is dead—it’s whether we’re ready to resurrect it.
@itssslimkim ♬ Burning Blue – Mariah the Scientist
More women know their worth and aren’t afraid to demand it in their art, their careers, and their love lives. Rachel, Eva, and Olga refuse to settle. They are among many women online giving language to what so many are feeling but struggling to articulate. “What’s driving the return now is visibility,” Olga explains. “Social media has put language to experiences people were already having but couldn’t quite name. Conversations around ghosting, situationships, and unclear intentions are no longer isolated—they’re collective.”
If women are so in tune with what they want and love is in the air, how do we close the gap? Courting is a two-way street, and communication is important, so I try to explain to the coffee date guy that coffee dates don’t cut it for me. That courting isn’t about outdated gender roles or performative chivalry; it’s about alignment and love. It should be an honour to get to know each other. He rebuts, saying coffee dates are great to test the waters. Instead of trying to explain myself further, I disengage. We’re speaking different languages at this point.
@dlipargentina como la mira él a ella estoy destruida #dualipa #dualipaofficial #callumturner #couple #boyfriend #paratiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii #foryourpage ♬ sonido original – 🌊
A few days later, I accept a date with a gentleman who reminds me I’m not asking for too much. He sends me a few date options: fine dining and fun activities, all chosen with my location in mind. He arranges a driver to and from the date, prioritising my safety. He opens doors, insists I order whatever I want, and makes the entire evening feel effortless.
No coffee in sight, just espresso martinis and maybe, a prospective dating life for all of us who refuse to settle.