You meet a guy. You click. You start texting and then he disappears. Did his phone break? Did he accidentally delete your number? Is he dead?

Chances are, the guy is alive, his phone is fine, and you’ve been ghosted. It hurts and it sucks. Wondering why he ghosted you and what to do about it? We contacted two expert dating coaches to figure out why he pursued you and then disappeared into thin air.

Five reasons why he ghosted you

We spoke to life and relationship coach, Stephanie Lyn, to find out why guys ghost. Stephanie has over 438k subscribers on her empowering YouTube channel where she covers everything from rebuilding self-confidence and self-esteem to learning how to let go and the importance of setting healthy boundaries.

Here are Stephanie’s five reasons why he ghosted you:

1. He is talking to someone else.

The hard truth with this one is that it bruises the ego. It hurts when your guy decides they no longer want to be with you and instead wants to be with someone else. It can lead you to question yourself and wonder what you could have done better. The truth is when someone decides they do not want to be with you, they are doing you a favor.

2. He is not getting what he needs from you.

Before you go into a lack mentality, let’s reframe your mindset. Is it always a bad thing that you could not give someone what they needed? The answer is no. Try to see what it was that they were not getting from you. Learn and grow from that feedback and keep moving forward.

3. He is not ready to commit.

Commitment is about being consistent. It is about deciding to grow together. It is about looking at your own past and healing from the baggage you might still be bringing to the table. Emotionally immature people cannot do that. They cannot allow themselves to grow because they are still operating from their own child-like state. Here comes the Peter Pan Syndrome. The guy who does not want to grow up and be a big boy in an adult relationship.

4. He did not know how to end it.

The simple truth is some people do not like confrontation. So rather than saying “I am not happy” and dealing with those feelings and even possibly working on the relationship, some people just leave and look for the next high they can get.

5. He is going through something personal.

Some guys cannot handle multiple things at once, especially if they have something that’s really affecting them mentally. These guys let everything else (including you) fall at the wayside in order to deal with their own anxieties and difficulties. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It is bad timing with a guy who lacks coping skills.

Five things you should do after being ghosted

We also chatted with the dating manager and Dubai-based international dating coach, Christiana Maxion, about what exactly you should do when you’ve been ghosted. Christiana is an expert at matchmaking and assists her clients in taking the stress, anxiety, and confusion out of dating.

1. Ghost the ghoster.

If you’ve been ghosted, block the ghoster on all platforms including WhatsApp, texting, social media, and email. Do not give the ghoster any avenue to initiate communication. Do not check their social media, just block them. You do not want any reminder of their existence or any way for them to slither back into your life. Instagram has a new feature where you can choose to block an account and any other account this person may create in the future. If you met on a dating app, unmatch right away.

2. If you *have* to contact the ghoster, do this:

Do not rage text. You never want to put anything in writing that can come across as angry or witchy. You always want to be the one in control. If you absolutely need to text something, Christiana suggests saying, “Your silence and ghosting has made you very unattractive to me.” Then you must immediately block them because you do not want any response from this individual. This text shows that you value yourself and have high standards.

3. Make a happy list.

Create a list of ten things that make you happy and commit to doing at least one or two of these things daily. Some of the things on my happy list include reality television (anything on Bravo), a sweaty gym sesh, and mocktails on the Palm with friends. You’ll get over him quickly when you focus on your own happiness.

4. Date yourself.

Take yourself out to a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try or treat yourself to an indulgent spa treatment. If you’re feeling social, invite one of your besties along with you. Try to steer your thoughts away from the ghoster. Remember, he’s dead to you.

5. Get back out in the dating world.

Dating is a numbers game. The healthiest way to approach new connections is to have the mindset to never put all of your eggs in one basket too early. If you have a long list of matches, hobbies that involve socialising, or good friends that can introduce you to decent guys, you won’t even realize the ghoster is gone and you deffo won’t have the time to care.