Is it me or is it wedding szn all year round for Muslim girls? *cries in single* One minute you’re dodging rishta aunties at a family dinner, the next you’re on your Instagram feed and see your fave influencer baddie is engaged.
Whether you’re genuinely ready to settle down or just trying to survive another wave of “when is it your turn?” comment at the family gathering, the pressure is real. But beneath the glamour of lux wedding aesthetics lies the big question: how do you know if you’re actually ready for marriage?
For the ‘Ask a Muslim Girl’ column, Cosmopolitan Middle East talks with Shazida Sheikh, an English Teacher and Muslim Content Creator, about the spiritual and emotional prep before marriage.
CosmoME: What are some challenges Muslim women face when considering marriage?
Shazida: I fully acknowledge that finding a husband on your own terms, and having him meet all the requirements of security, respect, and emotional connection, is a privilege in itself. Many women around the world do not have the autonomy to choose their own spouses or even decide when they are ready for marriage. Cultural expectations and traditions often take precedence in Muslim communities, overshadowing the guidance of the Quran and Hadith. It’s disheartening that, as an ummah (community), we often fail to centre our practices around the very teachings that were meant to protect and empower us, especially our women.
CosmoME: What are some advice you have for Muslim women preparing to get married?
Shazida: The first piece of advice I have for Muslim women preparing to get married is, first and foremost, to have tawakkul and patience! As cheesy as it may sound, Allah SWT said, ‘[And] we created you in pairs’, showing that companionship is inevitable for us. While praying for a righteous spouse and a healthy marriage, take the time to work on yourself and be the best version of yourself FOR yourself as well as your future husband.
My second piece of advice is to know your rights as a Muslim woman, and not in a Western feminist type of way. Understand the Quranic verses that outline the rights you have as a woman and what rights your husband is entitled to as well; after all, Allah SWT is fair and just.
My third piece of advice is to understand the differences between cultural and religious practices. While family members may be excited to embed traditions that they’ve been accustomed to for generations, if you and your future spouse are not comfortable with these traditions and would rather follow the marriage process Islamically, you have every right to do so (granted, this may be easier said than done)!
CosmoME: What qualities should Muslim women consider when considering a partner?
Shazida: I think the biggest green flags in a potential spouse are someone who is righteous and steadfast in their prayers; is knowledgeable of the rights of women based on the Quran and Hadiths; is willing to have honest conversations about finances and what can be expected when you get married; is open to what you decide for your mehr (bridal mandatory gift) and does not negotiate on his terms; and is sure of his own beliefs and values, without being influenced or feeling the need to appease family members constantly. That being said, the red flags are the opposite of all of these! As women, we deserve to feel secure, respected, and emotionally connected in our marriages. If a man shows early signs that he cannot offer these fundamental things, it’s worth rethinking whether he is truly the right partner.
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