Lately, I can’t escape the ‘Let Them’ theory. One day, when venting to a friend about an unpleasant situation where I was treated unfairly, she suggested I download an audiobook she was listening to: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, which dubs itself “a life-changing tool that millions of people can’t stop talking about.”
I’ll admit it, I love a self-improvement book. (Even after reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck twice, I still haven’t mastered it). Naturally, I did what we all do when faced with a new concept: I turned to TikTok.
Sure enough, I saw thousands of TikToks on the Let Them theory. Essentially, it’s about changing your approach to relationships. When someone does you dirty, whether by excluding you, dismissing your feelings, or disrespecting you, you accept it as “let them.” The goal is to protect your peace.
For years, I exhausted myself trying to understand why my dad didn’t step up when my mum died. Instead, he sent a solicitor’s letter, evicting my 17-year-old brother and me (I was 21) from our family home. No conversation. No explanation. Just silence, because his partner at the time didn’t like us.
Years later, he emailed my brother and me. Not to apologise. Not to take accountability. Just to blame everything on his ex-partner.
We met a few times, and our chat was surface-level: Netflix series, weekend plans, work things. With my partner by my side for support, it became clear this wasn’t about making amends. It was a box-ticking exercise to ease his guilt for abandoning my brother and me.
That was when I decided to let him. If he didn’t feel the need to acknowledge the past, why should I exhaust myself trying to make him? And honestly? Life got better once I stopped expecting him to be a ‘dad.’ I’ve cut him out of my life completely, and it feels good.
In this instance, letting him helped me more than confronting him. Nothing he said would have excused what he did or changed the past. Letting go was the best way to protect my peace.
I once knew someone who constantly made low-key racist comments. Not about me directly (I’m half English, half Pakistani), but about anyone who wasn’t white. They framed it as ‘jokes’ – but the prejudice wasn’t subtle.
The first time it happened, I was shocked. Instead of calling it out, I told myself: let them. But I wasn’t protecting my peace – I was avoiding conflict. And guess what? The comments didn’t stop.
Some people don’t need permission to behave badly. They need to be told they’re wrong, especially when their actions fuel a bigger issue.
Let’s be real: If someone cuts you off in traffic, let them. If your roommate leaves dirty dishes in the sink again, let them. Some things just aren’t worth the stress. But what about when a friend repeatedly makes passive-aggressive digs at you? Or someone lies? Do we just “let them”?
The real lesson isn’t to let everyone do whatever they want, it’s to decide who and what is worth addressing. Because sometimes, “letting them” is self-care. Other times, it’s just giving them permission to treat you badly. Setting boundaries isn’t about avoiding conflict, it’s about knowing when to walk away and when to stand your ground.