Self-love, enduring love, passionate love, Love Actually – Valentine’s Day may be in February, but really there is no month that revolves around love love quite like December. Why does the winter always feel so filled with romance? You only have to flick through lists of seasonal movies at this time of year to be offered up a virtual selection box of couple-themed rom-coms. But for those experiencing the absence of love, turns out, it’s not always the most wonderful time of year…  

I’ve just come out of a very long relationship. It lasted almost 12 years and all this focus on ‘togetherness’ around the holidays can be a triggering one. December often elicits a groan from single women; as much as its all festive fun, it’s also a Hallmark celebration of coupledom and a stark reminder that for many, one is still very much the loneliest number.

Around me, the shorter days and cooler nights seem to be making people jump into some kind of quasi-relationship. Or, perhaps, the most obvious desire to couple up because of societal pressures. The pressures that come from family, from friends, from being 31 and not having a partner to accompany you to one of the many, many Christmas functions in the diary.

You may also know this time of year as “cuffing season,” the colloquial phrase that was shortlisted for Word of the Year by Collins Dictionary in 2017. It categorises the people who may be inclined to start a relationship at the start of winter – and stay in it at least until spring. And while a months-long relationship with a definite expiration date doesn’t sound the least bit inviting to me, I also kind of… get it.

But a generation of women who made it through their turbulent 20s and into the steadfastness of their 30s are choosing a different path: being content with being single. Singleness is commonly conflated with loneliness, but what I really think this is, is solitude: the state of feeling content when you’re alone. In fact, I’d like solitude to receive the respect it deserves. It gives you the time to discover – or in some cases, rediscover – who you are, who you want to spend time with, which friendships are energising and reciprocal, and what your hobbies are.

“Self-love” is one of those things, like empowerment and body positivity, that women are told they must achieve or obtain in order to find happiness or success. Self-love – by which I mean the relationship with yourself – is, like all relationships, unpredictable and sneaky. It’s impacted by everything from how other people see you to whether you made it to the gym this morning. But I’m certain that being happy with yourself – alone or otherwise – is the key to eventually being happy with someone else. So as Sam from Love Actually would say, “Let’s get the sh*t kicked out of us by love!”

As seen in Cosmo ME’s winter issue, click here to read more.