In writing this, I already know that I’m going to get a lot of hate from ladies who may feel like I’m being insensitive, but I have to say it. Sometimes, it’s not him, it’s you.
I’m sorry.
Now, before you come at me with pitchforks, let me explain.
With the job and working on this title, especially, you meet a lot of ladies who share their relationship “issues” with you.
Now by issues, I don’t mean stories of men cheating or being abusive, no. Those are real problems and there is no justification for actions like that. You are beautiful and you deserve better. Do not ever forget that.
What I’m referring to are ladies who jump to conclusions. I’m talking about the ladies who expect a reply, the very second that they send a message. If not that second, three seconds before they actually press send. And, if the poor guy, who might actually be busy, you know working, doesn’t reply with in an “acceptable” time frame, he’s cheating. No babe, he’s not. You are. You are cheating on yourself and yourself worth.
You see love in its truest form, is pure. It’s free of judgement, greed, and envy and, it’s based on trust.
Cliché but, always remember that past relationships do not define your worth or that of your current relationship.
If you micro-manage his every move, you’re suffocating him and he may leave you. ‘Cause, girl, you’re acting crazy. And, the honest truth is, you may not be ready to be with someone in the first place.
If you suspect that the guy you’re seeing is cheating you, don’t summon your friends and go all FBI on him. No, compose yourself, really think about why you feel this way and then, just ask him. You know him. You know what he looks like when he lies, not your friends. They know him, in most cases, from what you tell them.
If you are not satisfied with his answer then, my darling, you need to move on before you lose yourself. Really.
This is just one example of how you may be the one who’s actually ruining things.
Now, before you think that no research has gone into this piece, it’s worth noting that ten, TEN, guys of all different backgrounds, were asked to participate in the research phase of this article. And, they were drilled. Body language was studied and their dating history was examined in great depth.
SO, in an effort to help (I swear, I’m just trying to help), I put forward three of the most common issues faced by the many ladies that I’ve spoken to over the years and using the response from the guys who participated, I came up with a single piece of advice that could help prevent the situation from ever happening in the first place.
*Clears throat*
Let’s being.
Issue One: He has a lot of “girl” friends
Andre Potiger, 28, Quantity Surveyor: “I hate it when girls say this. Some guys are naturally friendly and just prefer female company. I do. It has nothing to do with status. I’m just more comfortable around them. If a girl I’m seeing has an issue with this, she wasn’t paying attention before we made our relationship official and like a lady isn’t a piece of property, neither am I. The trust I give, is what I expect in return.”
In short: Pay attention to his friends before you decide to date him.
Issue two: He’s taking longer and longer to reply to my texts
Juan Marc, 30, Agriculturalist: “People get busy. We live in a city where things happen at a million miles per hour. I’m not saying that that is an excuse not to text someone back. No. It’s just a point that should be kept in mind. If a girl is taking a while to get back to me, I don’t flip out. I trust her and I know that she’s probably lost track of time. What she does for a living is something that needs to be considered. I dated a girl who worked marketing once and, she took hours to get back to me. It was hard but I knew that she was busy making a name for herself. And, to be honest, her determination and passion for a better future made me love her even more.”
In short: You have to be patient and actually trust him. Also, before making your relationship official, consider what he does for a living.
Issue three: We don’t even fight because he doesn’t care enough
Leon Van Der Westhuizen, 26, Architect: “I don’t get why girls associate love with fights? I don’t like to fight. If something isn’t an issue, why make it one? Maybe instead of thinking that we don’t care, they should think that we love so much that little things like being late, really doesn’t matter. Why fight when you can enjoy the time that you have together?”
In short: Pick your battles.
Now, this is me speaking to you: You need to remember that there usually is a rational explanation to everything. Do not force an issue when there isn’t really one to begin with. And, never lose yourself for another person. If something is not meant for you, let it go and, let a wonderful new life and love in. Go into a relationship with trust and most importantly, go into it when you are ready not when you’re lonely.