We’ve all been there; when you want to shake bae, out of frustration, anger or pure disbelief and then walk out. Fact: every relationship has its lows and highs. Some of the lows are ‘normal’ but then there are others that you shouldn’t be putting up with and that you’re too good for. But when do you know that it’s time to walk away? It’s a tough call to make and yeah, logic has sometimes very little to do and emotion, everything. Take a step back and a moment to read what we’ve got to say.
Even if things aren’t great with you guys right now, if you’ve got some of this good stuff going on, you know that this relationship deserves a second chance:
1. He Wants The Best For You
If you make more money than bae, or you’re working long hours to nail that promo AND he’s super proud of you, you’ve got a keeper. “Your partner should be your biggest fan. Their words of encouragement, highlighting of your strengths, and being your cheerleader are all ways they can show their support,” says Dr. Catalina Lawsin, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist with specialisation in couples counselling and founder of Psychotherapy Without Borders, LLC.
2. He Respects You
Forget love; it’s respect that lasts. He should value your opinions and never take you for granted. If you have certain boundaries you want him to respect, which he actually does, then lady, he’s pretty special. “Trying to understand why you have “those boundaries”, is a clear sign that your partner respects you,” Benjamin Ritter, MBA, MPH, founder of the Breakup Supplement.
3. He Makes You Laugh
If you’re able to express how you feel to someone, and actually end up having fun doing it, then what’s better than that? Another thing to look at is if they’re patient during the time of conflict. According to Luke Carrangis, clinical psychologist, “Couples who handle conflict with an open-mind, mutual respect, and even a sense of humour are more likely to prevent relationship meltdown and live happily ever after.”
4. He Shows Up When You Need Him
When you’re going through a tough time and he actually shows up even if it’s not super convenient for him, then you’ve got to love this guy. Doing what doesn’t come instinctually to you, is harder than you think. And a guy who pushes himself out of his comfort zone for you, is rare. A rough patch isn’t a deal breaker with this gem of a guy!
5. He Makes You Feel Like You
Someone who likes you just as you are… need we say more? You can speak your mind, walk out without a shred of make-up, zits, stretchies and cellulite proudly on display, in front of him, and feel absolutely fabulous doing so. Claire Byrne, heartbreak coach and podcast host, breaks down the essence of a good guy: “They may not always agree with what you have to say, but they’re always willing to listen and work things out with you.”
If he’s anything like the guy we’ve fleshed out below, you know your relationship is def not made for the long run. It’s time to break this up, girl.
1. He Makes You Nervous
A guy who makes you quake in your shoes? How could there ever be anything positive about that? As Dr Amanda Zayde, a clinical psychologist at the Montefiore Medical Center, expressed to NBC, “Everyone has some relationship anxiety, and that’s to be expected. However, if you find yourself hypervigilant for clues that something is wrong, or if you experience frequent distress that impacts your daily life, please, take some time to address it.”
2. Your Friends And Family Don't Like Him
A relationship is between two people but you can’t live in a cave with just each other for company. It’s super important that your friends and family like him too. After all, a relationship is a part, not all, of your life. And he needs to be a part of it, not apart from it (see what we did there?)
3. He Puts You Down
If he makes fun of you in a way that makes cry, not laugh, on the inside, it’s a form of bullying. Even if you tell yourself to ignore it, a little part of the comment or ‘joke’ sticks and ends up making you question whether there’s some truth to it after all. The relationship love doctor, Rhoberta Shaler, describes these people as “hijackals” because they “hijack relationships for their own purposes, while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control.
4. You're Not Yourself
Are you dressing differently? Only doing what he wants and hanging out with his friends more than yours? These are all glaring signs of a relationship gone bad. If we could narrow down one sign of a healthy relationship, it would be complete and absolute authenticity, on yours and his parts. According to Andrea Bonior, Ph.D, “It is a warning sign to be taken seriously if you frequently have to apologise to your partner for who you are.”
5. You're Mean To Them
So, we’ve spoken about how he can be the bad guy. But if you’re more of a bad guy than him, it’s time to take a look at this relationship – is this the guy for you? Would you treat someone you love and respect like this? If you’re in the habit of putting him down and criticising him all the time, maybe you don’t like him as much as you think and it’s time to call it quits – for both of your sakes.
FAMOUS CELEB BREAK UPS
Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt
Fans were shook when Angelina filed for divorce from Brad Pitt in 2016. They tried spiritual counseling in a bid to fix things, but unfortunately nothing came of it. It looks like the divorce is going ahead after 12 glorious years and six children together.
Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey
Nobody saw it coming when Jessica Simpson filed for divorce from Nick. They were TV’s golden couple.Things weren’t so perfect in the inside, however. Jessica admitted that they constantly fought about everything, from money to kids. When it ended she said, “It was hard to imagine I would ever walk down the aisle again. It was like a death in the family”. But find love she did, and happily so, with hubby Eric Johnson.
Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom
After repeatedly catching Lamar cheating, Khloe called it quits in 2013. She had to leave when the relationship started to affect her mental health.
...AND MAKE UPS
Beyonce & Jay Z
If you don’t know what happened between these two megastars, you’re living under a rock. Just watch Lemonade. It’s a wild ride – anger, denial, love and reconciliation. Ultimately, Jay and Bey loved each other too much to call it quits. The power duo renewed their vows in 2017 and released a joint album in which they both spoke about the struggles in their marriage. All seems well since.
Meghan Fox & Brian Austin Green
After calling off her engagement from Brian Austin Green in 2009, the pair got back together and he proposed within a year. They got married a few months later and Meghan filed for divorce in 2015 after 11 years together. We don’t know what the plan was, but she got pregnant a few months later. She called off the divorce earlier this year and they’re back on track.