If you intend to court the fine, exquisite creature, more commonly known as the ‘Funny Girl’, have a seat. Get comfy and take notes, while I take you through all the things you most certainly need to know.
1. Do not be alarmed if we make jokes, your tiny human brain cannot comprehend. We are supreme beings capable of more than just the average person. Meaning: if you don’t get a joke we crack, laugh anyways. It's no doubt hilarious.
2. We’ll make references to literally everything we have ever seen, heard, and/or breathed. So, brush up on all your material before you speak to us, as you shall be tested.
3. Expect the occasional pun – and by occasional, I mean every five minutes. Puns are our one source of sustenance. We live for the puns. Puns make the world a happier place. You best believe it.
4. Quick survival tip for you: Do. Not. Ever. Question our sense of humour. This is a fatal error and you shall suffer the wrath of the 'Funny Girl', should you ever sport doubt on your naïve face.
5. Chances are, some of your friends may not find us funny. What do you do in a situation like that? Ignore it. We are not your damsels in distress who need rescuing or sticking up for. We know our material is good and if they don’t think we’re funny, it’s frankly their loss.
6. Meeting the parents can have two very stark outcomes; we may either have them laughing their heads off and eating right out of the the palm of our hands, or we could make a totally inappropriate joke about your deceased relative (a mere example.. totally NOT coming from personal experience) and, feel too awkward to stop with the joke so, we soldier on ever so painfully. Trust us, it hurts us more than it does you.
7. Joke gifts are much-appreciated but, just because we like to goof around a lot doesn’t mean all the presents we receive have to be whoopee cushions and snakes-in-a-can. Like, is it too much to ask for a gift that doesn’t jump out at you? Srsly, I'll take anything; a mug, a hand sanitizer, a dose of normalcy, have your pick!
8. We may have a tendency to joke about everything. Now, this means that not everything we say should be taken quite so literally because, well most of the time, it’s utter nonsense and shame on you for believing it in the first place. You’re better than that.
9. Our one weakness: puppies. We may always be ready with the smartest of comebacks but show us a puppy and our brain will turn into instant mush. I mean, just look at their little faces...
10. We hate confrontation. If confronted, we will retreat into our cosy little nook of dark humour and sarcasm that only we can ever understand. So yeah, you have been warned.
Now, that I have relayed the cheat codes to understanding the 'Funny Girl', you may carry on in your mission of pursuing said girl. Proceed with caution, you brave, brave soul.