Friends, family, I’m back. Missed me? I’m sure you did. How else is going to tell you just how grand life really is? *Stares*.
For today’s discussion, we will be diving deep into the world of how to adult like a boss. By this, I mean how to trick yourself into thinking that you have your life together, when really all you want to do is watch cartoons and doodle.
Just a disclaimer, I’m not going to dish out life advice (I’m currently in a phase where I’m questioning everyone and everything), I’m here to give you a list of literal tools that will help you on your mission to be a bit more like an adult and a bit less like me; a slightly above average height peasant, who dresses like an elderly lady and watches cartoons and, doodles.
Right, let’s start.
1. A fancy, glass water bottle
You need to look like you can take care of yourself. So, you need to hydrate and keep those eye bags at bay. The glass aspect is because plastic is bad. Very bad.
2. A planner
Yes you have one on your phone but, we are trying to trick people into thinking that we are acing this life thing. So, get yourself a planner. Not one with unicorns or animations. Nothing fancy or sparkly, either. Just a plan planner. One that you will carry around, write in once and lose about 10 seconds later.
3. Storage dividers
For everything. Your clothes, cutlery, jewellery, stationary. No aspect of your life should go untouched. If I could compartmentalize my memories, you’d best believe I would.
4. A posh pen
You know one of those ones that are just as expensive as your rent but not as expensive – that would be rather irresponsible. The goal here is to signify importance. With importance, comes respect (for some reason) and, with that comes a sense of being a responsible, capable individual.
5. A wrist watch
You’ll never use it but it does age you five years and, looks rather official.
For health purposes. Obviously.
7. A tool box
You don’t necessarily need to be handy. It’s just good to have – you know, in case the neighbors come a knocking for a hammer or drill. They’ll leave thinking your oh so responsible. Just make sure to get it back, yeah.
A very obvious thing to have. But, for some reason, I can never find any. Also, am I the only one who keeps tripping over them? The AMOUNT of injuries they’ve caused.
9. A first aid kit
To treat all the injuries that you’ll get from falling over the hangers, every two seconds.
Get all these nine items peeps the world will believe that you are owning this adventure called life. As for me, I have a bunch of cartoons to watch and, I just heard that Typo has a number of great deals on DFS – guess who’s getting a massive unicorn light/mug? Moi, that’s who.