I Spent The Holidays With My Ex And Actually Enjoyed It

No, I didn’t hit my head
I Spent The Holidays With My Ex And Actually Enjoyed It

Picture this, it’s your day off, you’re chilling on a sun lounger and reading the many empowering poems featured in Rupi Kaur's latest book of poems The Sun and Her Flowers, when suddenly your phone starts buzzing. It’s your ex. The one you swore you’d never contact. The one who actually inspired you to read and feel every word that Kaur has written about longing and loss.

You freeze. Could it be? Could the person who hurt you, really be texting you? After all this time? Can’t be. Yeah, I thought so too. Only it happened to me. And, after freezing for about 25 minutes and having two mild panic attacks, I took a deep breath, unlocked my phone and began reading.

What happened next wasn’t the stuff of classic romance novels. There was no long paragraph, pleading for me to come back. There was no apology. No “how are you?”. Nothing. There was just a line asking if me if I wanted to spend the day with him and his family over the holidays.

A question that must have taken a lot of courage to ask, given the fact that our last conversation was one that ended all forms of contact and trust. I’ll leave it to you to make your own conclusion as to what happened there.

Since you’ve already read the headline, you already know that I went. Why? Because my beef was never with his family. It was with him.

So, after talking myself in and out of it a few times in the days leading up to the get together, I got ready and, it was probably one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Here’s why…

It took him off the pedestal that I put him on…

By not being head over heels in love and not seeing him as more than what he is, I actually saw him for who he was. 

I felt lighter

American poet Nayyirah Waheed once wrote “You ask your heart why it is always hurting. It says ‘this is the only thing you will allow me to say to you. The only feeling you are willing to feel.'” This hit me hard because it’s true. Carrying so much resentment and hurt actually weighed me down. I forgot to smile and that I mattered. So, once I picked myself up and reminded myself of all the love I deserved and all the love that I have to give, nothing he or anyone could say could hurt me. 

I felt free

All my dreams and daydreams of telling him off for hurting me, instantly disappeared. They didn’t matter because after months of self-loathing and overthinking, I stopped. I stopped blaming myself and making excuses for why things turned out the way they did and just accepted the situation for what it was – two people who fell in lust and mistook it for love. The harsh, yet honest truth. 

I suppose what my experience thought me is that we sometimes lose sight who we are, when we are trying to love someone who wasn’t meant for us in the first place.

I’m not suggesting that you text your ex and demand a meeting with his entire family. Nope, that would probably be disastrous and bad for your mental health, especially if you aren’t ready. What I’m saying is that, as cliché as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason. And, when you’re stronger and ready, a new love will happen to you. Be it with yourself or someone new, it’s up to you to let it in and make it all that it can be.

As for me, I'm happy. I'm happy in knowing that a chapter has closed and that a brilliant new one has officially started. 

My advice to anyone going through heartbreak? Stay strong, take some time to reconnect with yourself. Also, a good tune and great book can really make all the difference. 

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